I have begun to seriously research my birth options for this second time around. In an ideal world I would prepare 100% for a natural VBAC. This would include everything from finding a supportive doctor (so far I have only found one in our area), hiring a doula, reading books, taking classes, the works. I think that to really make it happen I need to be committed to the point where I don't see anything else as an option.
But. Unfortunately there is a but because the situation is not that straightforward. With Baby Boy 1 I had IUGR (Inter Uterine Growth Restriction), at a certain point BB1 slowed down his rate of growth. We were lucky in that it only happened the very last month, and other than the actual growth everything else: blood flow in the cord, placenta, fluid levels were still good until the day BB1 was born. I had absolutely no risk factors, so this was just something that happened for unexplained reasons.
The issue at hand, is that now with BB2 I have an increased risk for IUGR. Small as it may be, it's something that I probably won't know for quite a while, which puts the whole preparing gung-ho style in limbo. I think I would be crushed if I prepared for several months, only to find out that again we have a very small baby that will likely not be able to handle the contractions well, and again I will end up with a c-section. (My current doctor allowed me to labor naturally until BB1's heart rate started dropping and not fully recovering between contractions).
So the plan: As of right now I will stick with my current doctor (who is not necessarily pro-VBAC) because I trust that he will take good care of us. He takes his time during appointments, has high quality equipment in his office and I believe definitely has the baby's best interest in mind. When I get closer to the third trimester and assuming everything is still ok, we will talk about birth options, and if he is not supportive of my wishes we will consider switching doctors. (I am not ready to switch now because I don't feel that with the pro-VBAC doctor that I have already found, I will get the same level of care).
Meanwhile, I will try to find other potential doctors, and read up on preparing for a natural birth so that I have the options well established in my mind when we are ready to make real decisions. M is on board with the "let's wait this out for now" approach, and even though he is generally more hesitant at challenging our doctor's viewpoint, I believe that when the time comes he will be in a better situation to research the heck out of this and get on board with my plan. While I don't love staying in limbo, I know that it's just something I have to do right now. So that's the plan.